What was supposed to be my last visit to the doctor on week eight – turns out I have to go back in three weeks time again.
Doctors words, “there are still one or two stubborn internal stitches that have not dissolved”. So for just one or two he is not going to freeze burn them and says hopefully they will be gone by the next visit.
Everything is healing beautifully and I’m feeling a lot better almost like my old self. Almost.
I never thought this would be so difficult. Spoke with a few ladies who have been through this, two of them did it so recently that everything is still very fresh in their memories. I read a bit on the internet about the op and youtube even has videos of the procedure. Scary! Don’t watch it. I did, but that’s because I’m half crazy.
Anyway I thought I was prepared for the big life changing event but when I woke up from that anaesthetic the shock of just how serious this was hit me really hard. And then I realized that I did not know enough and did not do enough ‘pre op’ research.
The pain is like nothing I have ever felt before I’d rather give birth to another child than have this pain. It is terrible not just on the cut, it’s the whole tummy area externally and internally and on your lower back. Sure you can take pain killers. But the tablets just numb the pain and the injections ? well they don’t go home with you, they are just there with you in the hospital so you don’t bug the nurses too much.
Once you go home you realise you can’t walk, sit, bath or get in and out of bed alone. All those movements need special choreography. You can’t bend and forget about your feet, touching them is almost impossible or painful whichever you prefer.
Something simple like crossing your legs is out of the question even that hurts.
The hysterectomy affects your tummy works like crazy, for more than six weeks everything revolves around what you eat and in what order and how often. It’s just awful. Sleeping takes some time to get back to normal too. So many nights I lay awake not in pain I just could not sleep, and no I was not napping the whole day or afternoon. Must be the anaesthetic that just mixes things up. Even my art has been affected by it, creativity has been missing for some time, hope it comes back soon.
Then it’s the emotional thing. It’s there. It’s invisible to others but not to me, I can feel it. I know I don’t have it and it affected me roundabout week two. I just felt like crying, the whole time. And I did cry! It’s sad that women feel this way but take something away like the womb and you can’t help but feel that you are no longer a women.
It’s not just boobies, lip-gloss and long hair that make us feminine.
Now I am looking forward to my one year anniversary according to the reading I have done and what the doctor says that is when the body is 100% healed from the traumatic experience. I am also looking forward to my next birthday cake. You know my aunt bakes and decorates cakes and every year without fail we all get a cake for our birthdays. On Sunday the 29th of May we got together for a family lunch and she had a cake for me, just two days before my birthday and four days before the op this is what she came up with…
She has a good sense of humour that’s for sure. (By the way the cake idea came from one of the many research days I had. Showed it to Ness and she placed an order)
I loved my cake! Maybe next year I will have just one candle in the big number 1 shape.
Love to you