It is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world _ Mary Oliver
Not that I need to be reminded of this but sometimes I do need to see it so I don’t forget it. And I’m not going too far into the past just the last couple of months is enough to put things into perspective.
In September last year my uncle passed away, he had the type of cancer that never gave him a fighting chance
In March this year my last surviving grandparent passed away, granny was 90
In April we lost another family member, another uncle. My godfather passed away
Today I was at a funeral of a beautiful lady with the most contagious radiant smile, a senseless brutal crime took her away
Oh add to all of this that I find out a dear friend of mine has cancer?!
At the same time we have been battling with some serious business issues and the light at the end of the tunnel was so far away and everything was so dark…
We have not been sleeping well. I have been worrying way too much and asking God; how much more can I handle? How long before things get better? Every thought was a question with no answer.
At work we are busy packing for a big move. A whole new office and building, now I’m used to these office moves I have worked in this company for 24 years and I’ve lost count how many times we have moved. Sometimes they can be quite a lot of fun!
This one is not more stressful or hard but moving is rated as one of the top 5 most stressful life situations (Death of a loved one, Divorce, Moving, Major Illness, Job Loss) So things have been pretty hectic lately, I see this move as a new life, a type of cleansing (so much was thrown away) it was a huge spring clean project in the office. Total office madness!
I am just emotionally exhausted and feeling so tired that I get this type of nervous feeling at the bottom of my stomach.
Today I was a mess and moody and definitely hard to handle and to be around. But still some people stay close, they stick around and put up with my shit.
At the church service we heard “be grateful for the gift of life” and “never stop saying I love you” and “live every day to the fullest” and “be happy to be alive”
And so it is, life is so short and untimely things and events leave us with so much pain sometimes. As I sat in church our little business issue was somehow being resolved…we have a bit of light at the end of the tunnel, things are working out. Let’s see where this takes us.
For now remember this –
God has not turned His face away and I have felt His love and protection, as hard as these months have been they have also been wonderful. I have so many people to be grateful for so many things to be happy about that all these feelings are almost confusing ♥ life is incredible and every day I am awake is a gift from God!