Don’t Compare

It’s been a while I know, I have so many things to write about and so much art to share.  But today I’m going to live up to my blog name, the mom part, and share a special moment with my blog world.

Graduation day! My youngest son has graduated *happy dance* 🙂

I’m a mom of two 20+ year old boys, they are amazing kids and I am so proud of them.

When you have two children and they are quite close in age (18 months apart) and both are boys, please note that people are going to compare them all the time!!  You the parent might even be the one doing the comparing.  But others all around you will definitely do it.   I’m the least perfect or best parent here, I have many faults, but there is one thing I did not do when they were growing up and that was compare!  I hated that growing up.

Yes, I noticed how one did things with more ease like building puzzles and physical activities, the other was quicker dressing himself and used adult language, different stages of development it’s normal, but looking down on them comparing like – Why don’t you do this like your brother? Why don’t you do that like the other boys in your class? Stop doing this and learn that from your brother! No, no, no, I never did that.

Comparing is more about your own insecurities, oh and I am full of them but that was one thing I was determined not to do to my children.  Comparing is like wishing they were different and telling them that you want them to be different for your own selfish reasons.  You might as well tell them you don’t like them at all.

One thing that really aggravated me and quite honestly pissed me off was arriving at school for parents evening and hearing teachers compare them.  They all knew who I was I didn’t have to introduce myself to new teachers, I was always greeted with “Oh, you’re the mom of the other Lopez”.

You see at school one boy was always working hard and excelling at every subject, the serious worker that passed everything with 80 or 90% a genius.  Then there was the funny boy that seemed to hate school and just scraped through most subjects.

He came home with report cards that said things like: Your son is in danger of failing the grade.  Assignment not submitted.  Learner did not do the PAT.  Didn’t pay attention during class.  Learner has detention.

Agh really, whatever.  At the time this was something that really stressed me, we would have long discussions and late nights of mostly me moaning and stressing and him sulking and crying.  Some days I just shrugged my shoulders and told myself; agh really, whatever.

It’s easy to label things and to note a person’s weakness rather than asserting their strengths.  I always knew that this child was a genius and that school was just too boring for him, it was compulsory, mundane and he was forced to go to school and get through it the same way we go to work every day and we get through it on hard days.

Sometimes we don’t want to adult and so we procrastinate, we phone in sick, we take an odd day off in the middle of nowhere so we can get through things, our adult things!  And we expect our kids to adult through school even when they hate it.  We expect them to behave in class when they clearly do not get on with the teacher, they are a mismatch and the teaching style is just not right for your child.

He will react differently to others, because we are all unique, and no two children are the same!  It’s just nature and the way we are created, we are all different and will do and react to things differently all the time.  So don’t ever compare.  Instead help your child find his abilities and talents.  Give your baby a break and let your teenager just be a teenager.

He will find his place soon enough and then he will take your breath away with his unique awesomeness and brilliance and creativity.

Mine did ages ago, I’ve been watching him since for ever.  ♥

Too bad some teachers missed it…I wish I could give some of them a good clap in the back of their heads and tell them “See you’re the dumb one”  but I have to adult so I won’t.  Instead I sent a message and photo to the teachers that cared and are truly in the profession for the love of teaching.

My hero – he graduated!