The eve of the night before your first day at work

I gulped and felt my heart beating in my throat when I took this pic of you….we have a photo on these stairs, the two of us, on the day we left you here, it is one of my favourite photos.

I remember the trip we made in February 2012 and how hard it was to let go. I didn’t want to leave you here alone. I left a young enthusiastic boy and I came back to fetch a young man, full circle for the two of us.

You grew up, you struggled, you became independent, and it all happened so fast for me. I’ve been thinking over the years and more so these lasts few weeks, did I really do a good job as a mom?  Will you remember that I tried my best, even when I was tired exhausted, and stressed and sick, I still tried my best. I prayed sometimes and sometimes I forgot to pray, but I hope you will know that I had every intention of being a good and great mommy.  Although I do know that sometimes I wasn’t so great and I was just an OK mom.

Today is the eve of the night before your first day at work! You have finished your studies and I guess it’s time to adult, I hope you’re ready because I’m certainly not and I don’t have any wise words to pass on to you (sorry). All the milestones and special events of your life that I counted and recorded and photographed have come to an end. Leaps and bounds and so the next ones will be in years to come.

For now let me say that I am so very proud of you. I wish you the best of luck my son, may you be successful and happy in your career and in everything you do

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Your favourite bible verse became my favourite bible verse, guard it close to your heart.

Love MA ♥

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Mom didn’t really teach me that much

Today is father’s day and my boys gave their dad this card

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Notice the very last sentence – mom didn’t really teach me all that much – 🙂  yes I know it’s funny, but it did get me thinking….

When I started blogging I always thought I had so much to say or write about. The boys were at a school going age and growing up faster than bamboo shoots on steroids.

But then they left school and it was first day of varsity and I blogged about that and about letting go. And then it felt like parenting was over.

It was an emotional time seeing them in university and trying this new thing called “letting go” and I was actually quiet about the boys for a long time, at least on the blog.

They are adults, one will be 23 in a few months’ time and the other one will be 22 at the end of the year!  So apart from graduation day, what else have I got to look forward to? What else have I got to say about being a mom?  Oh yes, the wedding day….but they both say they are not getting married, so let’s skip that thought for now.

It’s like parenting is really over, done and dusted. We finished our task, or is it really? Parenting grownups, when does it stop and when does the worrying stop?

My almost 23-year-old, is studying in Cape Town so he only comes home for the long holidays of course I worry about him all the time, what he’s eating, how late he eats and how late he goes to bed, how he separates his washing etc.

But it’s the small one, the one that lives at home, that worries me the most.  He gets frustrated with me and my constant messaging, but I just like to know when he arrives somewhere and when he’s leaving so I know he’s safe. I have this need to check up on him all the time.

I think adult children still need that ceaseless looking after.  But I am beginning to see my children in a new way; they are good capable young people. I have to recognise their differences and respect that, they have grown into two very different individuals.

I try to share some of my wisdom, if you can call it that, don’t even know if they see it as wisdom or advice or things I know or just ‘stuff she says’.

Whatever their age I still feel I need to worry, I need to talk and I need to pray. I don’t think this is a mother of sons’ syndrome it’s just normal mother behavior. In learning to let go I have to learn to surrender them to God. It’s not really up to me anymore, and this is so hard for me to say and admit.

“With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”

Mark 10:27

Twenty One Today

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Twenty one years ago, on this day 12 July it was Tuesday at 16h00 a beautiful little boy was born! We called him Moo.

This is not a brag post. But it is about my son and about his accomplishments. He has surprised us and then some with all his achievements.

He finished primary school with a certificate of merit for academic achievement in five subjects and the Highest Attainment DUX Award. He went on to finish high school with a distinction in all seven subjects and the DUX Award for Academic Excellence.

Of course we are proud parents. Moo was born a winner and a fighter. Determined, ambitious with a brilliant mind. Destined for greatness.

Today is his birthday, he is 21 years old!  Today I am emotional, I stand in awe, looking up at a young man who is much taller than I am. He’s tall in so many ways…soaring and towering. I am amazed at the beautiful young adult he has become.

However I’d like him to be prepared for life.

Life sometimes throws us some nasty’s, some curve balls, hardships and disappointments that bring us to the ground. And should that happen, he needs to be prepared for it, to get up and continue with the same determination and willpower.

Don’t ever give up my child. You are destined for greatness! When you do feel like life is getting tough and you want to give up, we will be there to cheer you up. We will pick you up and take your hand and finish that race with you. Right by your side, no matter where you are or how old you are. Your greatest fans and cheerleaders will be there with you.

You will have one more person right by your side – God. When you are hurt or struggling, He will be there faster than your cheerleaders and He will come to your rescue. He will pick you up when you fall, take His hand.

Today I thank God for giving me the best gift in the world. And I thank Him for lending me this most special boy, I hope I have not failed Him.

We wish you a very happy 21st birthday my beautiful son. We wish you many years filled with health and loads of happiness.

You must know that we love you dearly, no matter what, we are so proud of you today and always.

We both love you lots…Ma loves you to the moon and back. Happy Birthday my Moo ♥

Mother’s Prayer

love

I pray you’ll be my eyes

And watch them where they go

And help them to be wise

Help me to let go

Every mother’s prayer

Every child knows

Lead them to a place

Guide them with your grace

To a place where they’ll be safe

 ♥

I pray they find your light

And hold it in their heart

As darkness falls each night

Remind them where you are

 ♥

Lead them to a place

Guide them with your grace

To a place where they’ll be safe

 ♥

That’s what it’s all about…Mother’s Day

Before and After

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A small place, a home away from home for my big boy. I had some moments of regret and disappointment, many moments of total disgust and some days I broke down into tears at the mess that was before me.

You do not need to live in a place that looks like it should be in the cover of a designer magazine, but your home should not look like a pig pen! The people pigs that lived in this place were not normal people more like a group of hogs. Papa hog, mama hog and some piglets, one being a baby. The state of the kitchen was just something out of a scary movie. Thriller! I was gagging and almost vomited once when trying to get the grime off things. No wonder the place was infested with the one thing that gives me the biggest creeps and just the word makes me break out in hives – cockroaches. The extermination company said they are German Cockroaches (say no more)

My painter who lives in a shack, said his shack was cleaner and he would not be embarrassed for me to visit him there. The cleaning lady did not believe that a woman had lived in that apartment and used that kitchen. So…if they say all of that, can you imagine the filth? I was like the white sangoma with all sorts of fumitabs, powders and potions to get rid of the bugs. During those days I had no consideration for the ozone layer. Sorry.

Everything in that place was bleached and disinfected twice. Painted. Varnished. Cleaned. Finally ready for humans to live in.

These are the before and after pictures.

BEFORE 😦

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 AFTER 🙂 looking much better471 472 473 474 481 563 689 690 691 692 695 704 711 787 828 830 831 837 841 845 849 850 863 870

There are two cupboard doors missing. We need a chest of drawers to store some of the books that are still in boxes under his desk. The little sofa has not been delivered yet. So it’s a work in progress. But it’s livable and clean.

Leaving him this time (as a third year student) felt like I was leaving him for the first time all over again…my boy all alone in his own little place…